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1. |
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Blech
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2. |
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Being the evil dark wizard I am
I wear appropriate garments for my lifestyle
Witness my evil dark robes and band shirts
They get soiled as I do my bidding
“Alakazam” I shout in the night
I wave my magic wand and then I say “Blech!”
I prance to and fro into the dark woods
To be dirtied with mud and crumbs
I don’t need Mom’s help at all
I learned how to wash them myself
Separate the darks from lights
I beg your pardon, all of them are dark
I do my bidding at night
That way power is cheaper
I always clean out the lint trap
My evil Mommy is proud
As I close the dark machine door
It makes the shadows so dark
I use frigid cold water setting
So my darks don’t get less dark
They swirl inside the darkness
Where they’re completely unlit
If there are blueberry stains
It won’t be noticeable
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3. |
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Deafened by the endless grinding
The sound of a slow decay
Sounds like a creature dying
I think I`ll get my brakes checked today
Helpless cries from the unknown
A treacherous path I must take
To a skilled mechanic I must go
So he can fix my brakes
These repairs will drain my account
I will never recover from this
Wretched torture, there is no way out
Curse my car to the pits
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4. |
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Horrendous torture is this burden o’ mine
A dark pit with a mysterious past
To get behind the oven after ages of time
To sweep out all the crumbs and little pieces of food
Should I neglect this horrible task
There will be a putrid infestation of rats
Filthy insects and probably worms
Really yucky stuff that is also gross
Every time I drop food in the kitchen
And then it drops down to where I cannot reach
Pieces of corn and cheese and ham
Suddenly they plummet into there of the dark
You know that feeling when it happens to you
It falls into the crack and then you say “Oh Fuck!”
Then you get sad and evil dark
And make an evil frown at the north of the night
Cleaning it up
Doing the chores
Sweeping the crumbs
Evil is nice
I might need help to pull it out I’d likely hurt my back if I did it by myself
Endless aching eternally I’d have to take some time off from my dark day job
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5. |
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I embark of this journey
Returning the dark relic
Avoiding the late fee
VHS of Titanic
Thought of failure haunts me
It dwells on my mind
I know I must hurry
I didn`t forget to rewind
Will my heart go on?
I've asked myself this
Wisdom of Celine Dion
I will never forget it
I approach the dark fortress
Slowly I enter
A place of dark darkness
Ough!
I return to Blockbuster
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6. |
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Buried beneath the mountains of the sad
Years of your house existing next to mine
Shrieks of the evil haunt eternal nights
It’s much too late for such a noise as that
My evil darkness underneath the moon
So with the fury of winter I exclaimed
Heard such calamity through the neighborhood
My evil outburst rang out like the dark
That northern darkness was woken up
For this I must write a note of dark
A wicked tome scrolled in blackness
Darkest thing I can do is apologize
“Dear neighbor, sorry to bother you
Didn’t mean to hurt your feelings
I hope you still want to be my friend
Please don’t write about this on facebook”
My face gets sad when I think about
How my actions have affected him
If he has problems at work tomorrow
I will cry lots and very much
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7. |
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Contracts!
They now must be filed
Organized!
Alphabetical
Evil!
Contracts of darkness
Filed!
Into the archives
Ahhhhh
Ough!
Cannot misfile
I never misfile
Ough!
Do not misfile
Do not misfile
Ough!
Did you misfile?
The contract's misfiled?
Ough!
How could you misfile?
How could you misfile?
Ahhhhhhhh
Insufferable imbecile
It's in the wrong folder
This better be fixable
My soul becomes colder
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8. |
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When grandma gets the flu
And she becomes so sick
Her fever gets much worse
I go to visit her
I bring her apple juice
And fever medicine
She has a demon frown
There are black spirits here
In Norway
It’s cold here
And it is
Flu season
Her old nose
Is running
And she turned
The heat up
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9. |
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There was some yelling from upstairs
There’s lots of noise and it’s up there
There’s some disruption from upstairs
It’s kind of spooky and I’m scared
It sounds like “Ah!” and sometimes “Boo!”
Oh darn I spilled some coffee. Hold on for maybe 5 minutes while I get a tissue
“Boo!” Oh! Did you hear that? Yeah, I’m getting kind of concerned because nobody lives up there
“Get out!” I don’t know what to think because it would be absurd to imagine some kind of ghost or apparition. I’m not a “make believe” kind of “fantasy enthusiast”.
I get to my job at 9:00. It would be foolish to fixate on ludicrous fairy tales
Lots of noise
Not polite
Scary sounds
Kind of rude
Disruption
It’s not nice
It is loud
I’m upset
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10. |
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Washing the dishes
Give it a soak then you can go have a beer then I’ll come back to it later Family guy’s on TV
Taking the trash out
Sooner or later gotta take out the trash make sure that plastic goes in to the recycling bin
Financial banking
Go to the bank I really hope it’s not closed
Go for a bike ride
Exercise is a really good thing to do you should watch out for your health and always warm up before and you can visit your parents it’s a bit over due
Salting the driveway
Winter is coming gotta throw down the salt be careful that you don’t slip I hope you dress really warm make sure to heat up your car before you go to your job you’ve got some elderly neighbours better offer some help don’t even think about charging it’s the right thing to do
Stabbing a Christian
Driving my blade into an innocent victim so I laugh out of evil and my eyes will turn red
Upset of the dark
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